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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

So Tired

I need to get my act together and just wake up.  I am a night owl.  I don't know why, and I know it's not normal, but I drag all day long and around 8:00 every night, I start to wake up.  My dystonia calms down.  I itch to go to the gym, but it's time for bed.  I'm not tired.

My husband worked nights for 7 years and always says to me "you just don't know how hard it is until you have to do it."  You know, I believe tht's true for him, but what's wrong with me?

I remember in college I deliberately took 3-hour long night classes because I knew most of the instructors would be adjuncts, grad students, or assistants who would want to get through those 3 hours as quickly as possible, go home, and go to sleep.  I would go to class, grab a mocha from Starbucks, and stay up all night reading. Four or Five AM would be bedtime.  I'd sleep for a few hours and go running.  I felt great!  Even battling a rare neurological disease, I was able to juggle quite a bit.

The working world is much more like high school, except my head needs to be in the game during the day.  I have to be aware of what I'm doing and be able to think straight.  I drink cup after cup of coffee during the day, but it doesn't help much.  In high school, many times I'd have to be there by 7:00, but I'd drift off during class.  Good thing I was smart and that I also had an extremely intelligent dad who helped me cram for tests late at night.  Now, years later... it's just.. during the day.. "I'm so sorry... I can't think straight... so tired... can I sleep on it and let you know tomorrow?"

Can my mood change my sleep patterns?  Who knows.  I don't love my job, but I love the work environment.  When I became disabled, my neurologist told me my law enforcement dreams... well... they wouldn't come true.  I had to have a "desk job" that "wouldn't require fine motor skills."  I thought I was going to die...  When I'm "with it", I'm pretty sharp.  I can retain information and be creative.  During the day, I'm a zombie on caffiene.

I do not know what's going to happen with GOTR at Mill this year.  Registration opened a week ago and we only have 4 girls signed up.  I've been so psyched to coach for at least one more season.  This may not become a reality.  The girls give me a reason to run.  They give me a reason to be a better person by preparing lessons and making them even better than the book we have.  Giving the gift of running, either directly or indirectly) to people I've known in my life (friends, family, GOTR girls, or whoever) has always made me happy.  Sometimes, people I didn't even know that well would come up to me, smiling ear to ear telling me how many miles they ran over the weekend.

I was at a wake on Monday evening.  A neighbor from my childhood, Mr. Smith, passed away.  It had been a while since I'd the family, so most of their immediate family was shocked and surprised. The last time I'd seen most of them I was only 10 years old.  One family member I never forgot though.  Ronnie.  Ronnie became a police officer when I was a little girl.  He's a detective now.  I'd seen him in recent years anyway.  Back in my ice cream scooping days, he'd frequently come into the restaurant I worked at to order lunch.  One time, before placing his order, he said to me, "I see you running all over the damn place!"  What could I say?  Ronnie didn't need to be introduced to me -- As soon as I could cut into the cops paying their respect and chatting with Ron, he stepped aside, gave me a big hug, thanked me for coming, etc., etc..... and then he asked the question so many people ask me, "Are you still running?"  He reminded me of how he used to see me out running all the time while he was on patrol.  I gave him the same old story... bad knees, tired, I do a little here and there.  But at the same time I knew I was lying to myself.  I can get better.  It's 9:30 at night and I want to throw on my running shoes... but... it's 9:30 at night... *sigh*

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Running for Me & GOTR anxiety

Endomondo Running Workout: was out running 3.18 miles in 28m:48s using Endomondo.

I have been my own worst enemy lately.  I have not been working out at all.  I have a gym membership, a stationary bike in our apartment, and obviously the ability to run.  However, I've come up with every excuse in the book to avoid running.  Yes, I do have a knee injury, but I can overcome that.  I ran one race last month - my wort road 5k time since I began running road races.

Somehow, I am not gaining weight.  We order or go out to eat quite a bit... I guess I just am careful about what I eat during the week.  We went out to Tim Horton's today - we do every weekend. I made a conscious effort to have a Special K bar before we walked to get our breakfast instead of ordering a donut or bagel; just ordering myself a coffee. 

I've been feeling extremely wound up and tense lately for no particular reason.  Not to mention antsy.  I decided to take advantage of the nice weather and go for a short run.  Wow I did horrible, but wow did it feel good!!!  I had forgotten how running on a regular basis made me feel and I just have to get back into it.  I feel so much better and that antsy feeling is gone.

Next Friday the preliminary roster for my GOTR team will be e-mailed to me.  I am kind of nervous.  Nate and I targeted about 80 houses that we believed had girls from the school at and we stuck ribbon-tied fliers in doors. Between the photocopying, the ribbon tying, and the delivering, it took about 8 hours to complete this task.  All I know is that right now, our school it not filled.  If we do not have a full team by the end of next week, I might throw in the towel.  I don't think GOTR is considered "cool" by Middle School  standards.  I think up to 6th grade, it's ok, but 7th and 8th graders are more interested in playing real sports, guys, and just "hanging out."  I guess that's kind of the point of Girls on Track, to spend twice a week for 3 months discussing these things while running/walking/jogging, but sometimes I forget that pre-teens aren't necessarily going to chat about guys/parties/drugs with a 29-year-old coach.  It's a tough age, and I respect that.   Heck, I remember the parties, the guys, the drugs/alcohol and even the sexually active 12-year-olds in Middle School.  It was something you didn't dare debate with a girl who was into that kind of thing... and if you ended up at a party where smoking and drinking was going on -- even if you weren't doing it -- it was so uncool to tell a parent.

Well, I am a half-glass-full kind of girl, so I'm going to keep my chin up.  This may be the last season I will be able to do depending on how my surgery to replace my IPGs this winter goes.  I feel my dystonia getting worse, and knowing my batteries will need to be changed for the first time is kind of scary.  I hate going under the knife!

Well, time to shower and get some housework done.

Peace out! :-)

Friday, August 3, 2012

A New GOTR Season

Well, last season I barely made it.  But we did it.  All 9 of our girls completed the 5k.  Two for the first time ever.  Despite the challenges I faced, I know the girls enjoyed it in the end.  I loved every moment of knowing I played a huge part in having a sucessful program last spring.  Knowing I helped better the girls was even more rewarding!!

Now, Fall registration opens in less than 2 weeks.  Our Council does not have the time or manpower to help us advertise in Williamsville.   All of the girls from last year will be playing modified of JV high school sports, so I am relying on new members. The district board still finds GOTR problematic for reasons unfathomable to me, so it's understand with 60+ other schools in WNY, the council just doesn't have time right now to help our teams in the district with this uphill battle.  We'll get there, though!

I am officially the head coach at Mill Middle now.  I am taking things into my own hands and making the program at Mill Middle "my own."  I decided to go with the Girls on Track curriculum again; however, I still have extensive notes from the GOTR program (like no-nonsense Nelly lesson). I am going to do a little bit of lesson swapping where I feel necessary. 

I am also going to go door-to-door with flyers.  I am going to mail to libraries and recreation centers.  It's a huge district, but I am going stand strong for a great program that I truly believe in.

As someone who wanted to be a cop, I believe in structure and discipline.  Since becoming ill 10 years ago, much of my life has been in disarray, but my passion for GOTR has instilled a desire to be a better and more organized person... not for me, but for the girls!

Here we go again!  Season 3, year 2 is going to be the best ever! :-)