I figured this would be an excuse to get back into running and working out on a regular basis, as I'd let myself become a couch potato. I have to admit, when I lost close to 20 lbs. after being diagnosed with generalized dystonia back in 2003, I liked my slender "athletic" look. Having generalized dystonia is like a painful 24-hour-a-day workout. Trying to make my muscles function the way they were meant to in order to perform the most simple tasks was exhausting. Looking back at some pictures of myself competing as a 90 lb. distance runner, I still really wanted that look back. I envisioned that thin, muscular 25-year-old who left some of the best runners in the dust while competing in local 5k road races, despite the difficulties I faced while battling this incurable neurological disease.
.jpg)
Loughran's Buffalo Alumni Cup Run
July 2008
20:44 5k
In 2008, I decided to undergo Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) to control my twisted, stiff, spasming muscles and full body tremor. One shaved head, six hours in the OR, two holes drilled in my skull, eight electrodes placed in my brain, and two pacemakers later, I became a bionic woman. The surgery worked so well that aside from the bulging pacemakers under my collarbones, I'd often forget about the disease. I also started to gain weight pretty quickly, and I let my running slide. I became lazy.
My first weigh-in for the competition was 108 lbs. in November, which is actually pretty average for a woman standing 5 ft. tall. Still, there's little in life I enjoy more than competing. In fact, one of the only things I enjoy more than competing is winning. I only needed to lose 8-10 lbs., and I figured "Hey, I haven't been running! This will be a cinch." So I bought myself a Garmin Forerunner 110, and took on the roads. I came to the horrible realization that my 8:48 min/mile pace for an 5-8 mile run wasn't indicative of my true capabilities as a distance runner. So I gave everything I had into my training. On days when it was too cold, I went to the gym, hitting the treadmills and bikes, becoming stronger and faster as the weeks passed.
Our final weigh-in was on February 21st. Laughing at the fact that some of my competion had been complaining about gaining weight more than losing over the past few months, I thought to myself, "Well, at least I didn't lose this thing! I've been pretty steady." My final weigh-in was 111 lbs. I was the only member in the competition whose final weigh-in was more than my initial one! How could I be the BIGGEST LOSER?
Feeling like the loser that the competition deemed me, I decided yesterday to strap on my Garmin and go for an 8 to 9 mile run throughout my neighborhood. All I really had to do was finish a respectable distance to feel better about my hurt ego, while still being able to maintain my 8:48 min/mile pace from November. But something unexpected happened. I realized my hard work at the gym paid off not in shedding lbs., but in gaining speed, strength and endurance. Yesterday morning, my average pace from my 8.55 mile run was 7:58 min/mile! I realized I was SO not a loser! A sense of accomplishment flooded my thoughts and feelings. It wasn't about a scale or a diet to be healthy or be a "winner", but simply about being able to put one foot in front of the other -- literally.
Endomondo Running Workout: was out running 8.55 miles in 1h:08m:04s using Endomondo.
congratulations for coming to embrace that your body being healthy isn't necessarily about just a number because it honestly doesn't mean a thing. You have gained, strength, muscle, confidence, and that is all worth so much more than a number on a scale. And its incredible that you have overcome something like this.
ReplyDelete