Feeling Defeated

There comes a time when you need to just give up.  The "I'm injured/I'm better" rollercoaster ride finally came to a screeching halt with "I'm VERY injured."  Nearly 6 months of training and hundreds of miles and dollars later, I am facing a tough reality.   I am not going to be able to run the Buffalo Marathon this weekend.  I will be lucky if I can walk up the stairs when I get home.

I don't know exactly what's wrong.  I know I have a bad knee, but the entire outside of my leg is in a painful, massive knot.  I strained something while trying to stretch my illiotibial band last week.  I thought rest and ice would help it.  Not so much.  I can barely bend my knee and bearing any weight on my leg causes extreme pain on the entire side of my upper leg and into my hip.  It's completely in spasm.

My mom did some damage control on Facebook in regards to Dystance4Dystonia.  This morning, The DMRF posted that I was running the marathon this weekend and encouraged people to donate in my honor.  I'd shot the DMRF an e-mail last night about my situation, but apparently it wasn't soon enough.  My mom wrote something on my behalf to express my gratitude as well as my most sincere apologies for getting hurt.  I took on Twitter, and in 140 words or less tried to explain I was injured and very sorry that I wouldn't be running.

Of course the DMRF was understanding but...  

I know it's not entirely my fault, but I feel like an idiot.  I am the type of person who follows through on commitments, and I didn't on this one.  I tried so hard.  I even got that 20 mile run in less than 3 weeks ago.  When my Garmin beeped at 20 miles, it was such an awesome feeling and sense of accomplishment.  I could only imagine how much better completing my first marathon was going to be... and for a cause I believed in... and now...   

I called my orthopedic surgeon's office this morning.  I can get in to see his physician's assistant next Wednesday.  Meanwhile, I am in excruciating pain.  Ibuprofen is not helping at all.  I'm at work, eating lunch and just cannot think straight.

This feels significantly worse than the 6 hours of brain surgery I went through.