Now that same foot has another problem. Moles. Okay, I admit, people like myself always think moles are petty ridiculous things to worry about. A little skin discoloration - so what? Even in Seinfeld, Jerry called a dermatologist he was dating in one particular episode "pimple popper , M.D." after she proclaimed she was a doctor who saved lives.
I just returned from my dermatologist this morning, expecting to have a procedure completed that would remove the rest of some abnormal cells from the bottom of my foot. Simple enough. I mean, I could deal with pain. The initial biopsy hurt and I dealt with it, so what would one more layer of cells be?
The procedure didn't take place...
Instead, at 9:00 a.m. I was presented with some inconclusive test results on this tiny discoloration. The specimen that was sent to a lab in Pittsford, NY couldn't categorize the mole. The lab is able to tell that I do not have cancer; however, they classified the lesion as "moderate to severe atypia" as they cannot tell how large or deep this lesion goes. In fact, they aren't even really sure what the heck it is.
The "slides" are being sent to Harvard Medical School for consultation, since we don't really know what we're dealing with. Had Nate not noticed this tiny mole a few weeks ago -- the dermatologist and nurse said for certain that I would have developed melanoma within the next year or two.
The dermatologist debated between sending me to either Roswell Park Cancer Institute or to a dermatologist within Buffalo Medical Group who would be able to perform surgery that would definitively remove the rest of the "bad cells" in my foot. I am going to Buffalo Medical Group.
On one hand, I should be grateful. Had my husband not noticed the tiny mole in my foot a few weeks ago, in a few years I could be fighting for my life. On the other hand, depending on the size and the amount of tissue that will need to be removed, The Buffalo Marathon may not be a reality this May. I've been working very hard - jogging, stretching, weight lifting. I've lost a couple of lbs. in just three weeks. My legs are becoming very strong already. I have not deviated from my training schedule.
I know it is not rational, but I love running so much - more than life itself. It puts me in a place where I feel at peace. Everything seems right when I glide across the pavement. The rush it gives me is incredible, amazing and indescribable. I guess what I fear is the unknown of this lesion in my foot, and also the other three moles which my dermatologist want to tackle one at a time.
Sometimes I also feel like I've already had my fair share of health struggles in life at such a young age, especially regarding dystonia and having to maintain my brain stimulators. The surgery was a blessing but also a pain in the you know what. Even though I know I am not invincible, it's scary to know that other things are starting to go wrong... and I wonder to myself, "what next?"
Trying to remain optimistic...
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